Most people are not satisfied with their life and wish that it were different. However, there are several things that you shouldn’t want to change in your life, things that you have to appreciate. Your family, traits, and past mistakes are all those small things that make you who you’re. While it’s okay to dream about a different life, don’t try to change the following things in your life:
1. Childhood
No matter what your childhood was, you can’t change it now. The people you associated with and the town/city you grew up in helped shape you. If you grew up in a different city, you would be an absolutely different person. Don’t wish your childhood was different, you should love who you are and appreciate your childhood.
2. Family
Even if you don’t like your family, you should never wish that you had better parents. If your parents didn’t get together to have you, you would not be the person that you are now. Lineage is one of the major things we should never change because we can’t do this. If you don’t get along with your family, at least don’t hate them. Remember they gave you life and they are your parents.
3. Life
On tough days, you might think your life is miserable and you want to die. It happens at times, I know, but you must be alive. It can be difficult to remember how wonderful life is when everything goes wrong, but try to appreciate things you have. One of the biggest mistakes people make in life is wishing to die. Please don’t make this mistake and love your life no matter what.
4. Past
Your past cannot be change. You cannot change those terrible memories and those awful mistakes along with awkward situations. Since you cannot take your past back, you should learn to live with it. Sure, we don’t like mistakes, but we need them and we should learn from them to make our life better. Don’t focus on the things you regret, think of your present actions instead.
5. Intellect
It’s good to strive to get more knowledge. While you should be open to learning something new, don’t worry if you are struggling in your chemistry or calculus class. You might be better at learning new languages or sewing so focus on things you like and don’t worry if you can’t acquire more knowledge.
6. Your look
If you are not satisfied with your weight or hair color, you can change it. But, if you don’t like your skin color or height, you can’t change them so the only thing you have to do is to be proud of them. Sure, there are people who look beautiful and different than you, but you are special and beautiful in your own way. Appreciate what you look like and always love yourself.
7. Dreams
Even if your dreams are hard to reach, it doesn’t mean you should give up them and choose easier ones. If you really want something, you should go for it. Don’t force yourself to find a well-paid job, if you want to be a volunteer or an author. Yes, it’s easier to reach simple goals, but do you want it? Each challenge requires efforts, so be ready to put in your best ones.
Don’t waste your precious time trying to change these things. Love your parents, your friends, yourself and your enemies, and of course, love your life. Remember that there are certain things that no one can change. Embrace your mistakes and don’t be afraid to fail. Every time you make a mistake, there’s an essential lesson for you to learn. Do you agree with this list?
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We can’t really alter the way someone else behaves, nor is that our job in life, but we do want to be aware of our own behavior and change it when we realize it is making us unhappy. One place to start is often achieved by letting go of long-term knee-jerk reactions to holiday gatherings, or any family gathering, and feeling peaceful, instead. What does that mean? In the end, we decide what happens around us. If we want harmony, we can create it without losing our own integrity and boundaries. The idea is not to think we have to please everyone, which is impossible, but to let them be who they are without judgment on our part. Doing this can change everything, if not for them, then for us.
It isn’t so easy to separate ourselves from the drama of predictable negative family situations when they arise. But the key lies in our desire to feel at ease within ourselves enough so that we are willing to detach from the role we usually play at such times. In the end it can be very simple: Do we want to be right, or do we want to be free? Which matters most to us in how we live?
In truth, our purpose isn’t to accept the role the family has assigned us, and all of us get assigned one, a role we’ve probably accepted without thought until now. Our purpose is to be who we are no matter what is going on. We stop trying to prove anything to anyone. We let go of the baggage of memory that we have let program our reactions. Here are 5 suggestions on how to change old behaviors:
Do we show up with anxiety to family gatherings? Perhaps it is worry about spending time with the in-laws or our parents or our siblings. Do we feel like the outsider in the family, or are we the one everyone expects to be happy-go-lucky all the time? Perhaps we are seen as a troublemaker. Or do we expect to be put down or have our job ridiculed? Or do we make too much money or too little for the others to find okay?
What if, during the family gathering, when an old hurt or resentment or sadness enters your train of thought, you just drop it, put up a giant STOP sign and just cease thinking about it? What would change? A lot, even if you do that for just a few seconds. You are breaking away from the old momentum that usually drives the situation. You have ceased to feel — for those few seconds — trapped in old behavior. This affects how you look and talk, which in turn affects how others relate to you. They will sense that something has been altered even if they don’t know how or why.
It has actually been proven scientifically that when we experience a negative emotion, from whatever cause, its physiological duration is 90 seconds. Then it’s gone. That means the body ceases to react to the stress of the emotion. It is all cleared away. The only reason we continue to feel the stress of that emotion is because we allow it to recycle in our thoughts over and over. We DWELL on it. So the body responds with repetitions of the physiological state, triggered only by our insistence on repeating the trauma we felt in our minds over and over again. Otherwise, the negative emotion would disappear!
How often have you run a negative conversation or event through your mind, something that made you angry, sad, nervous, self-critical, anxious or all of the above? Did it help to feel that way seven times over, or twenty times over? Probably not, but no question, stopping ourselves from recycling unpleasant events is tough. We are used to letting our thoughts run the show. What if we change those thoughts? That’s all it takes to change our behavior. If we want to…
When something someone says or does makes you upset or angry, do you show this in any way? Speak outright? Manipulate things in a passive/aggressive way? Sulk? Retreat? We have all experienced those reactions in ourselves at one time or another. To break the familiar habit of this behavior, shift the momentum. How? Don’t react at all. Suspend your investment in the old knee-jerk reactions, one by one. You will in time cease to need them, or better yet, you will cease to want them.
What if someone puts down the things you cherish most, like your creative work, perhaps, or a hobby you are passionate about, or music you love? It is difficult not to say what we think when this happens — the triggers there are fast and furious, and pretty much driven by ego. But here’s the thing. If we don’t respond to the trigger, we’ve left the attacker high and dry. They really have no place to go. It would be like having the actors leave the stage in the middle of the first act… We are free, because we don’t require their opinion to validate what we love. We never did.
Our memories of previous family gatherings surface the moment we meet again with each other. Most of the memories we have pull us out of the present — we aren’t living now, we’re living THEN. But THEN is gone. Look at the people around you. Who do you see — memories or real people? It matters that you see real people. Be the observer, as much as the participant.
In the end, right now is all we ever have. It is where we are meant to live, not in the past or in the future. Letting go of old behaviors allows us to feel the energy and authenticity of being alive NOW.
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